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How to Be Successfully Single

Brittany has been in church for as long as she can remember. When she became a teenager, she began to get curious about what she was “missing.” She’d heard about teenage pregnancies and STDs and “soul ties,” but felt a sense of teenage invincibility and skepticism — “it won’t happen to me” and “y’all just trying to steal my fun.” And then she opened Pandora’s box. What followed was years of trying to find intimacy through sex, find acceptance through sex, show dominance through sex. She had tied her sense of self-worth to the wrong things and lost herself in it. Then came the time where she had her Damascus experience — God came into her life, arrested her heart and showed her who she was in Him. That was the starting point of her beginning a life of celibacy.

Q: What did God take you through to help you understand that that was not the plan He had for you?

The beginning of the end, so to speak, began with a two-year relationship that she’d devoted all of herself to. She’d given herself fully to this relationship, but her significant other still cheated on her. She realized that it wasn’t enough. More than that, when Brittany — self-proclaimed as “extremely emotional” — didn’t have any emotional reaction to this situation, she realized something was wrong. She was numb. She attempted to overcome her breakup by sleeping around, but that didn’t work. It was during this time that she started going to church. In the beginning, she continued with her promiscuous lifestyle. However, she found that regardless of how much sexual activity she engaged in, she wasn’t finding any fulfillment or long-lasting satisfaction. Upon realizing this, Brittany decided to intentionally and seriously seek God.

Q: At what point did you decide to surrender to God fully and embrace sexual purity?

“I had made that commitment to myself with all kinds of willpower…but I still put myself into situations where sex was an option.”

After coming to Christ and choosing to be celibate, Brittany found herself in what she calls the “last tryst.” After sleeping with this last man, Brittany stated that she “could literally feel God’s heartbreaking.” That feeling was enough. She knew that wasn’t what God wanted for her. She could feel God’s love for her even in the midst of that situation. At that time she realized that she couldn’t keep giving her body to someone she doesn’t belong to. She couldn’t keep engaging in her promiscuous lifestyle. Most importantly, she couldn’t continue to hurt God.

Q: Was the example you were setting for your child spiritually also a motivation for you?

Brittany affirms that it was important to her to set an example of a godly woman to her daughter. In their home, Brittany is the only Christian parent and she wants to teach her daughter the right way. “I can’t teach her if I’m not living it. I don’t want to have that double standard, I never did.” She uses her past experiences and her testimony of how God changed her life to teach her daughter why God wants us to live a certain way and how to do it.

As you transitioned into life as a born-again Christian, what are some spiritual habits you adopted? Also, when you slipped into old sins, how did you get back on the path?

Prayer and worship in the Word of God:
● Broke down lies she’d once believed regarding intimacy and relationships, who she is supposed to be, her value as a person, and so on.
● Strengthened her relationship with God.

Increasing her intimacy with God meant getting rid of some old habits. She couldn’t listen to the same music, watch the same shows, or even maintain certain relationships or friendships. She had to cut certain things and people out in order to lay hold to her new life in Christ.

Q: How did you determine what relationships were not healthy for you as you worked toward drawing closer to God?

These are some helpful questions to consider when weighing the health of your relationship with someone:
[1] “Are you pushing toward God as well?”
[2] “Are you trying to push me toward Christ?”
[3] “Are you supportive of my relationship with Christ?”

Brittany knows even now that all of her friends are not Christian. Even so, a deciding factor in her determination was whether they were supportive in her desire to draw nearer to God or attempting to draw her away from Him. Brittany recognized starting out that she was not strong enough to say no, so she had to change her environment. It was difficult breaking away from people who had been there for her in the past.

“But my loyalty had to be to Christ before it had to be to them.”

Q: What would you say to that person who is holding onto something that doesn’t promote a godly lifestyle?

You are what you eat. As it is naturally, so is it spiritually. Whatever you are consuming will affect what you think about. The more you listen to it, the more you will buy into that mindset. The more you indulge it, the more concessions you will make for it. The more concessions you make, the more likely you are to bend the Word of God to fit your desires.

“Our responsibility is to bend ourselves to the Word of God.”

Be led by the Holy Spirit. What might be right for one person may not be right for you. Consider whether what you’re listening to/watching is:
● Glorifying God?
● Pushing you closer to Christ?
● Helping you set a lifestyle that is pleasing to God?

Why am I so attached to these things?
What kind of feelings do these songs evoke?

Q: What encouragement do you have for single mothers yearning for marriage

God is God and we are not.
● We do not know who God does or does not have set aside for us.
● God is sovereign. Trust that God’s will and His plan and His timing is perfect.

Q: How do you intentionally cultivate a deeper love for God and make the most of your time in your singleness?

“Marriage is not my goal.”
● Sometimes single people place such a high stake on being married that they forget that this time is invaluable.
● You have to mind your relationship with God whether you’re single or married.
● Whether you’re married or not, spend time seeking how best to serve God.

Have natural goals.
What do you want to see? What do you want to do? What has God given you to accomplish? Be open to doing things and making the most of your life. Your life does not start when you get married.

Pray.
If you find yourself wishing that you had a spouse to share your time with, stop and pray. Pray for your future husband,that God is preparing him to be the husband, leader, and person that he needs to be. Then pray for yourself, that God is preparing you to be the wife, helper, and person you need to be.

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